Once again it has been a while since my last post but there were reasons for this which I will cover in the future.
In my previous post I spoke about my High School Years and this now covers my last 3 or 4 years in South Africa before I made a move to the UK (apart from the 3 month period later on when I tried to move back to South Africa).
At the age of 18 I was accepted into Hotel School at Varsity College in Randburg to study International Hotel Management. This was a bit of a bone of contention with my parents, especially my mother. She had it in her head that I would go to University and get a degree in something ´worthwhile´ like Law or god knows what. Of course this was going to cost money and to try and alleviate this I took out Student Loans which my parents begrudgingly signed for. The course was initially 2 years with the option of a third if I so wished. My initial plan was always to do the 3 years to give me the best chance. Like many things in my life this didn’t actually work out the way I planned but it was down to me more than anything else.
The first 6 months of the year I rented a room from a lovely old lady (can´t remember her name). Unfortunately I had to make alternative arrangements thereafter due to her failing health and the 2 half of my first year I ended up renting a room from a close family friend (or as close as they could be with my parents). I actually got to know the son from a very young age as my mom and his parents worked together and during the school holidays I would more often than not go and spend the holidays at theirs while my mother worked. I also went away with them a few times on short trips.
My college years were actually quite uneventful other than the usual college shenanigans of drinking and going out a lot. The drinking did lead to various other things of which I am not that proud of at the moment but it was never illegal and it was always consensual. I now look back at it and realise that I was drinking to excess at least 4 or 5 times a week. I had very little contact with my parents and barely went home unless I desperately needed to. I would say I went home once a month and as with my High School years, I never actually invited my friends. The weekends when I didn’t go home were generally spent a random peoples houses with whom I had a fling or a one night stand or at friends houses where again we would drink a lot. I didn’t think very much of my drinking and shenanigans because it didn’t really affect my academic scores and I passed the first year in the top 10% of my class and I was really enjoying my freedom but I dreaded the holiday periods even though for most of them I was able to stay away and spend time at friends houses. The Holiday I dreaded the most was the end of year holidays as it signalled the return of the prodigal son (otherwise known as my Brother). He had this grand idea of converting one of the out buildings on my parents´ property into a holiday apartment so he could come back every year during the winter months in Switzerland. As with all of my brother´s plans this did not happen mostly due to lack of funds and even though he thinks otherwise I know full well that the little work he did do on his apartment was in fact funded by my parents. This was very much a common theme with my brother who somehow managed to get my parents to part with their money without many complaints. I think it was mainly down to the fact that he always promised to pay them back when he went back to Switzerland and worked, surprise surprise this never actually happened. It also got to the point that when he had to go back to Switzerland he hadn’t actually purchased a return ticket and shock horror my parents footed the bill again. As mentioned previously this was a common them and whenever he visited them in South Africa it worked out this way.
I also have to mention that it was in this year that I distanced myself more and more from my parents as they were insistent that I build the Amway business, the pyramid scheme which they signed me up for against my wishes, so that everyone could benefit. I of course had no interest in it as I saw it for what it was right from the off.
Onto year 2 of college, I once again stayed with the family friend which I have to say was quite convenient as my friend also attended the same campus studying Journalism. Year 2 was wildly different to Year 1 as we only had six months of Tuition and then in order to finish off the 2 year course you had to do a 6 month practical within a full service Hotel of 4 stars or up. The first 6 months of tuition followed the same pattern as year 1 with a lot of drinking and for the first and only time in my life experimenting with various drugs. I am just so glad that I did not enjoy them at all and since then have never tried any recreational drugs again. At the time I tried cocaine, ecstasy and marijuana. In all honesty I never understood the lure the of these and I am glad that I had the experiences I did, because I later discovered that I was prone to becoming easily addicted to prescription drugs. At the time I tried the drugs I realised that I preferred drinking and drink I did. There were days in my second year that I would go to class until 3pm. Then go to the pub down the road until 11pm and then go out clubbing until stupid o´clock and then either going home with a random woman or staying out with friends until 8am when we went back to class completely intoxicated. Strangely this did not have an effect on my grades as I was consistently in the top 10% and I think my lecturers tolerated my behaviour because of the fact I was doing so well. As well as classes we also had to decide where we wanted to do our practicals. I ended up interviewing for a small privately owned Hotel Group and managed to get a placement at their Hotel in Rustenburg. I was delighted by this as it meant that I effectively moved out of my parents place and except for the short period where I tried to move back from the UK and visits during holidays I haven’t lived with them again. I was thrilled when I started my 6 month practical and I am eternally grateful to certain members of management there who taught me so much and gave me an opportunity to become employed full time at the age of 20 as a Bar Manager. My drinking was still there and it was quite common for me to work until late and go out drinking until the small hours and then get a few hours sleep and do it all again. I suppose at the time my drinking was excessive and it could have been classed as alcoholism because of the amount of money I was spending on alcohol and the amount that I was drinking. I naively didn’t see it that way as I was young and stupid. As a trainee, in a group of 10 (8 female and 2 male) I was the only one offered a full time job and of that I am still very proud of myself. It was also at this point that OI made the conscious decision that I wasn´t going to go back for a third year at college. I also acted like a bit of a man whore at the time and ended up having flings with all of the female trainees apart from one who I went out with for 3 months until she moved back home. I wasn’t exactly a saint but as it didn’t affect my work I didn’t see any harm in it. The woman I had a short relationship with was also the first woman I took home to meet my parents and oh my word what a fucking ruckus that caused. When I mentioned we were coming to visit, my mother became all pious and asked where we would be sleeping. I obviously said we would sleep in my old room and my mother was so indignant saying that that was not on and that I would have to sleep on the couch. After a lot of arguing she relented, but this was indicative of how she would try to manipulate situations so that she could always try and claim the moral high ground. Again I want to say I was not a saint but I was doing well at work and was earning a proper full time salary which meant I was also paying back my student loans quicker than I expected.
This wasn’t to last as I realised that my drinking and social behaviour was starting to have an impact at work and I was starting to be late by a few minutes here and there and eventually there were days where I would be an hour late because I would be to hungover to get out of bed. For the first time in my life I realised that drinking had consequences. I also crashed a colleagues car, even though I was driving it with his permission because I was less drunk than he was. Luckily his insurance covered it and there was only the excess I had to contribute too. I also think that I was overlooked for a promotion at the time at work because of my drinking as people were starting to notice. The problem I had was that I was enjoying the drinking too much but realised that it was time for a change!
It was at this time that I decided that I wanted to leave South Africa and go to the UK.
I left my job on good terms even though I was disappointed I didn’t progress further and late in 2002 I moved to Stratford-upon-Avon to finally move away from home permanently and although I had a plan to only go for 3 years and then move back to SA and buy a house I was excited about leaving South Africa. As with may things this did not work out the way I had planned.
One last thing i wanted to mention here was that I had to pay for my ticket to the UK myself. This may seem unusual that I am complaining about this but both my brother and sister were given tickets to Europe by my parents. Whereas my brother stayed he did as mentioned previously on many occasions visit my parents and then they would fund his plane ticket back to Switzerland. When I mentioned this to my Mom at the time she told me that they couldn’t afford it and that I would just have to do it on my own. I had of course saved for my move to the UK so I would have a fair amount of spending money when I arrived but as it turned out I had to use some of it to fund my ticket but I don´t regret a thing. What pissed me off though was that I left in November 2002 and my brother went to visit my parents in December of that year and I found out that my parents paid for his return ticket in January 2003 again. This was the main reason for me falling out with my parents and me not speaking to them for about 18 months and not visiting until 2006. My relationship with my parents became almost irreparable at that time and it never really improved.
In my next post I will be covering the darkest period of my life where I will write about my 2 suicide attempts and how I managed to get through it all while dealing with more and more dark thoughts....
Until then
H
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